Yeah. So I have a few problems.

Well, most of my friends know I’ve got some OCD issues. But my OCD issues are largely of the “must have a plan for everything and do weird routine shit at certain times” variety. I’d call this the “regular garden variety” of OCD but that’s not true. I discovered back in my group therapy days that indeed. My problems are really fucking weird and not at all average.

Anyway. I’ve never had a problem with germs and the whole stereotypical “washing my hands a million times a day” thing. Which most people with “real” OCD don’t have anyway. But dudes. Guess what? I think I’ve developed a real problem with this after all. Now I can be a normal weirdo. Yippee.

It started while I was living with Mike. Straight-up; the health department would’ve shut that house done had they gone inside. It was not clean. And gross food sat on the counter for way too long. After awhile, I just stopped caring outwardly. But inside, I wanted to soak my entire person in hand sanitizer while I slept at night.

I hoped that once I removed myself from that situation things would go back to “Jodie eating stuff off the floor” but no. It hasn’t. Now I’ve got this dog to deal with. Twice I’ve caught him either grabbing food off my plate or licking the plate, and while I didn’t eat it, I’m sure some people would’ve. The one time he BARELY got to the plate before I yelled a string of obscenities in his direction. And then I threw it all away, minus the plate.

To compound the issue, his owner lets him lick his fingers. I find this distressing.

AND THEN, I’m pretty sure 90% of my coworkers are sick right now. The combination of germs floating around mixed with the gross noises has just become too much. I cannot take one more fucking uncovered-mouth cough or nose-sniff. GET A DAMN TISSUE.

I asked one of my co-workers if they needed a tissue. Because they were sniffing uncontrollably for about five minutes during a meeting. And they just said, “No. Why?”

OMFG.