I hate Associated Bank. And Xcel Energy, too. While we're at it.

For those of you living under a rock, my divorce was finalized on Friday. Sadly, the shortest part of my day was the part where I was in court getting divorced. I spent the rest of my day waiting in lines for things like a new driver's license and a new social security card. Yeah. I've pretty much decided I have very little time for people who walk into the Social Security office, sit their fat asses down at a table without taking a number, and just tell the overpaid federal employee sitting in front of them that they "want to get some money because they can't work." This happened twice during my ONE HOUR WAIT to request a new social security card. Which I have to wait ten days to get.

Anyway. The last stop I had to make was at the bank. Associated Bank. You know...the ghetto bank on Water Street that tries to pull in dumb college students by offering them free slow-cookers in the shape of footballs, etc. Yeah. I was one of those dumb college students once, which explains my current affiliation with these asshats.

I only wanted to change my last name on the account. This didn't seem to be something that should take that long. Or involve a fucking 10-minute questionnaire. WRONG. After waiting 20 minutes (because the banker was on the phone with her stupid kid, saying shit like, "HOW SICK ARE YOU REALLY? DON'T LIE TO ME"), I sat down and simply said: "I got divorced today. My last name has changed. Here are my documents. I'd like to get this done, please."

She's like, "Okay. No problem. While I'm doing that, let me ask you a few questions." Here were a few of the questions:

1. Have you gotten married in the past year? If so, have you thought about asking your spouse to join your account? (She looked up at me here, like she didn't even remember why I was there in the first place, and was like, "Well???") I just said, "Ummmm. NO. Because I just got divorced."

2. Do you have a 401K? YES. (I'm sure this was supposed to go somewhere but I didn't offer up anymore information)

3. How much is in your checking account? When she asked me that, I said, "I don't know. YOU TELL ME."

4. Have you thought about buying a house? If so, why don't we discuss your mortgage options?

*at this point I cracked*

My response: "NO. I don't want to buy a fucking house. I HAD ONE. I just got divorced. I don't want to think about that right now."

Her response? "Can I call you in four months to see if you feel differently?"

In other news, Xcel Energy has been fucking Mike and I up the ass and I'm tired of them scheduling times to drop our power (so we can move into the 21st Century and lose the damn fuses that blow when you turn on the microwave and the coffee pot at the same time) and then canceling because they "don't do that on Friday" or "it might snow." If we could switch to a different company, we would. For now, I'm just going to email them the link to this blog, and let them know that I'm going to mention their lousy customer service on a regular basis.