Forward THIS...

I have a problem. Pretty much the lady who sits across from me here at work sends me forwards on a daily basis. The topics range from shit like “look at these hot firefighters” to “read this generic story about some kid who died of cancer (but probably really didn’t-those are my words, not hers).” As she reads them, she either laughs hysterically or starts dabbing at her eyes with a tissue because she’s so emotionally moved by cancer kid or whatever. Then she sends them on to some “selected list” of individuals here at work. I somehow got on this list and I want off it.

Generally I just delete this shit without even reading it. I can’t do this with her. Because she’ll say, “DID YOU GET MY EMAIL?” And then she proceeds to watch me as I reluctantly double-click and read it. If I don’t laugh (or fake laugh since they are never ever funny), she says, “WHAT? DIDN’T YOU GET IT? SHOULD I SEND IT AGAIN?” Or, if it’s sad, she says, “Doesn’t that just BREAK your heart?” when she sees I’m not crying.

I’ve reached max capacity. This bullshit, combined with her constant singing along to the radio and her calls to her niece, where she proceeds to talk in a baby voice, has finally become “too much.” Meaning, I want to shove her down the stairs and see what happens.

In fact, she’s on the phone right now with the dumb kid. She’s asking her, “Are you having yummy cawwots with mommy for wunch?”

I hope she brings this kid to the museum like she keeps saying she’s going to do. I’m not going to give her a hand stamp and I’m going to let her drink out of the water exhibit without blinking an eye.

In other news, someone else here saw my arms and said, “Wow. Since when did you have tattoos?” Jesus Christ. I wanna go home.