Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Here's some shit I need to do before the year is finished...

  • Enter a Halloween-themed coloring contest meant for kids and totally win it. This is actually really generous on my part. Kids need to learn about disappointment in life. And also, that there are assholes out there who will gladly fuck with their happiness just to be mean.
  • Put a bunch of "thrift sale" signs in the yard at my old house.
  • Go to Best Buy and hide all of the Josh Groban CDs in one of the display model refrigerators.
  • Offend a few minority groups I've not yet "ironically" made fun of.
  • Waste about $30 on shitty movies that are going to disappoint me even though unreliable sources told me they were "hilarious" and/or "moving."
  • Tell everyone that I'm not buying Christmas gifts this year because I'd rather spend my money on myself. The people in my life can do the same for themselves and just pretend I bought them that bag of groceries.
  • Invite myself to several parties and then not show up.
  • Respond to some ads on Craigslist, go and look at the items for sale, pretend to be interested, and then offer only $5, regardless of what it is or how much it was originally listed for.
  • Tell people that things make them look fat. Even if they didn't ask. And even if they don't.

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