I'm currently sick as shit of the following questions:

• What do your tattoos MEAN? Have you ever seen L.A. Ink? Yeah. I love that show. Anyway, what’s the significance of your tats? AND DID THEY HURT?
• Answer: Let’s see here. I have a fucking lamp, a ship, and the faces of several women tattooed on my arms. If you can think of a theme that involves something other than being a dyke, let me know. That way, going forward, I can tell assholes like you something stupid and easy so you shut the fuck up. PS: L.A. Ink sucks.

• How do you stay in shape?
• Answer: Ah yes. It’s a big fucking mystery, isn’t it? Nevermind the fact that every magazine, every month, has some bullshit story on the cover about “walking away the pounds” and eating “more fruits and vegetables” and “less bags of potato chips.” We’ll ignore the fact that it’s absolutely impossible to go one day without seeing or hearing something about wellness. That being said; I stay in shape because I have a lot of sex, I don’t eat, and I drink massive amounts of Diet Coke and smoke American Spirit cigarettes when I get hunger pangs.

• Is your hair naturally curly?
• Answer: Don’t you fucking know the rules? You can’t get a perm until you’re over 40 and need to cut your hair in the same “mom” style that requires a loose-wave curl so you can properly fluff it up and embarrass your kids because you now look like every other mom in a mini-van. Therefore: YES IT IS NATURALLY CURLY.

Yeah. It's gonna be one of those days.